Waiting for Osama

"Another 'Senior Al-Qaida official' interviewed by a sympathetic Muslim newspaper in London; another threat warning of an impending attack on America. In recent months there has been a steady stream of warnings of 'impending attacks' from the inmates at Guantanamo Bay as well as 'Senior Al-Qaida officials' interviewed by sympathetic Muslim newspapers in London. Just how many 'sympathetic Muslim newspapers in London' are there?"

"Must be lots, I suppose."

"And we're supposedly at a state of heightened alert, right?"

"Yes, I believe so."

"Yet there's been nothing since the anthrax scares in October, right?"

"As far as we know, no."

"Just lots of copy-cats, like that nutter from Minnesota who planted pipebombs throughout the Midwest in the shape of smiley faces."

"Yep".

"And the other looney in Philly who blew up a mailbox. He pinned a note to his bomb that said 'Free Palestine! Al-Qaida! Al-Qaida! Al-Qaida!'. It turns out the closest he's ever come to an Arab was buying gas from one."

"And your point?"

"Then there was that 15 year old kid who slammed his plane into a skyscraper in Florida. He had a note on him too, didn't he, saying something about Al-Qaida."

"Yes, I think so. But what's your point?"

"I mean, we're hearing all these threats - about how Al-Qaida is going to strike again. They've said that they're going to attack banks in the Northeast; others have said that a suburban mall would be a target. Some have mentioned using crop dusters and so called 'dirty bombs'. The commentators have talked about how America is going to suffer like Israel - that we're going to get as bloodied and jaded as the Israelis have become. I've seen it in the news and all the magazines at the supermarket checkout."

"I'm sure that in long run they'll strike."

"Right but to quote John Maynard Keynes, in the long run we're all dead anyway. It's what's happening now that counts. And right now the only wackos that are attacking us are our own ones. Home grown loonies - America has a bumper crop of them. So maybe..."

"Maybe?"

"Maybe he's discovered something. Consider this: it isn't easy to pull off attacks like 9-11 right now. The logistics are a bitch, and they only work when you have the element of surprise like he had before 9-11, or you have a homegrown support network like Hamas has in Israel and the West Bank. Think about it. Anybody on a Middle Eastern passport in the States right now has an FBI agent outside their window. Phones are being tapped. Undetectable computer viruses spreading and forwarding emails. Yeah, maybe he's picked up on something. Maybe he's figured us out."

"That's what he's always said."

"Yeah, and that's what bothers me. You see, when things start to quiet down, when the news in Afghanistan isn't in the headlines and our MTV attention spans snap back to Jennifer Aniston, one of our own loonies goes to work and bam! We've got terrorism."

"So your point is that he's triggering domestic terrorism."

"Right. One of his minions makes a threat which puts a bee in the bonnet of one of our looney-tunes and bam! We're talking about terrorism for a few days."

"Interesting idea."

"It's like terroristic jujitsu - using your opponent's force against him. Although I'm not sure home-grown nutcases are what he originally had in mind."

"Interesting theory."

"Yeah..."

"Uh-huh..."

"So have you seen Star Wars yet?"

"I heard it sucks."

"That's just what the critics are saying. I heard it beats Spiderman..."