On the Death of Robin Williams
We all have our demons, the voices that seek to confuse us, ruin us, then laugh at our own destruction. For some people these demons are mere shadows, rarely seen and easily ignored, but for others these demons are as real as anything else in the world. Their voices ring in our ears, their touch as cold and painful as plunging a hand in ice water. They are a constant presence, inescapable and a burden carried through life.
To deal with these demons we often medicate ourselves, seeking oblivion to silence their voices, to dull their touch. Whether it’s cocaine, alcohol or gambling the addictions are an irrational attempt to deal with an irrational situation. These vices provide momentary comfort but only make the demons heavier, stronger, perpetuating a cycle that so often leads to the grave.
Those of us who have managed to escape the cycle, usually only temporarily, understand our fate. We see the demons, every horn and wart, smell their fetid breaths with each gasp of our own, but are too damned stubborn to let them beat us at the moment. Each day, each hour, each second when we don’t succumb to the false cures weakens the demons ever so slightly, making the next day, hour or second slightly easier than the last. But we don’t kid ourselves; no matter how long we’ve been sober the demon is still there. Its voice may be weaker, its stench just a little less pungent, but it will never disappear. It will always be with us.
When we witness one of our own overwhelmed by his demons, it saddens us. Rich or poor, famous or not, we are all united through our struggle against powers we never asked to fight in wars we never asked to be part of, and we are left embittered by the fact that so often those overwhelmed by his or demon are the least deserving of the fate. Why do they fall while so many others who have become real demons tormenting real people draw breath? Where are the inner demons of the men executing women and children in ISIS controlled Iraq? Why aren’t the savages launching rockets as they cower behind children in Gaza immobilized by doubt and fear?
It isn’t fair and yes I’m old enough to recognize that Life isn’t fair. But it sure does suck.
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