Time For Progressives To Fire Their Accountants
I don’t normally give financial advice but here’s a hot tip: short accounting stocks. H&R Block, Deloitte, McGladrey, heck, even Intuit, producer of Turbo-Tax – short them all. Why? Because the progressives believe they are under-taxed. That’s right! Progressives believe they aren’t giving enough back to the government, as Massachusetts Democrat Senate hopeful Elizabeth Warren explains in a recent video that went viral on Youtube (h/t Joshuapundit).
So if progressives believe they are under-taxed, they don’t need accountants. They can simply set their W-4 to the maximum amount of withholding by claiming 0 dependents, and then when April 15th rolls around, they just have to write down the amount withheld on their 1040s as the amount of tax due. If they really believe the government spends their money well, they can even include a tip – by adding, say, 15% to the amount of taxes owed. They don’t need to buy expensive software or hire high-priced accountants. They don’t even need to worry about deductions or other loopholes to reduce their tax burden. Simply withhold the max, add a tip, and they are done!
Of course this will mean a bump in unemployment as George Soros, Solyndra backer George Kaiser, LightSpeed investor and Obama golf buddy Philip Falcone, Warren Buffet and other wealthy progressives fire the legions of tax lawyers and accountants they use to shelter their wealth, although to be fair, they could keep a few on staff to calculate their taxes since Buffett in particular doesn’t seem very good at math. The Wizard of Omaha might think he is taxed less than his secretary, but the New York Post found that he failed to include corporate taxes on his investments, turning that 15% he thought he pays into a more Socialist-friendly 45%. Soros might even chip in a few extra percent earmarked for Israel to help salve his conscience over helping the Nazis during the Holocaust (that is, if he has one). We could even set aside a few hundred million to train those lost souls for new careers in the burgeoning field of green jobs that the Obama administration so zealously touts. They must pay well because the Washington Post reported they cost the US taxpayers $5 million each!
Since Democrats on the whole are wealthier than Republicans [(assuming Democrat=Progressive which is fair given the party’s purges in the mid-2000s)], the Treasury should expect a windfall of tens of billions of dollars next year. Progressives can even boost their taxes even more by simply following my advice now and shorting these stocks (or better yet, buying puts on them in the options market – but Progressives know all about those). If enough do, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and they end up with even more cash that the IRS can tax. Everybody wins! Well, everyone except for the poor Indian accountant that loses his job when Deloitte goes belly-up. But his carbon footprint was growing too quickly anyway, and the improved diet for his kids just meant that they’d grow up to be Little Eichmanns fat like Americans. Better for the environment that they die of treatable diseases on the farm instead. Besides, we wouldn’t want to pollute their traditional culture with ours.
As a Global War on Terror supporter, I’ll even thank the Progressives for keeping the military-industrial machine humming so that my friends in the Armed Forces can continue their roles as travel agents to Allah. Sure some of that money will end up in the pockets of a few union chiefs like Dennis Gannon who worked a single day and received $158k pensions for life. But that was a heckuva day as Gannon will no doubt tell you. Who said you can’t take it with you? Certainly not the deceased receiving half a billion dollars in benefits payments according to a recent report by the Office of Personnel Management. Thanks to your generosity no one – including the dead – will go without and you can rest assured they won’t vote Republican.
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