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Man Child

19th November 2004, 09:04 am

An argument with the wife last night got me thinking about this topic.

I’m 38 years old. I can install an electrical drop and tie it in to the main safely.

I’ve taught myself basic carpentry skills and can knock out a wall and put one up without it falling down later.

I am currently learning how to sheetrock like a professional.

I know how to cook Japanese style rice so that it’s better than the rice found in most restaurants.

I enjoy using my Stihl chainsaw and do so whenever possible.

I know that the South American cichlid, Symphysydon Discus, prefers slightly acidic water with a
touch of peat. I also know that their young feed from their parent’s mucous layer soon after hatching. They are excellent parents but are a bear to breed successfully.

I have raised all manner of tropical fish and just this Summer spawned my first koi in the 1,500 gallon outdoor pond that I installed a year ago. I currently breed African cichlids without doing anything beyond providing them with a safe habitat and clean water.

I know and how to use the pivottable function in Excel.

I know how to stir fry without over or undercooking the vegetables.

I can design and build websites that don’t suck. I can also build the databases that power them.

I know that Oswald acted alone and can argue well enough to support my belief.

I can change a tire in less than 10 minutes on a busy expressway.

I have beaten the PC game Far Cry and know how to get past the hard parts.

I can explain why Japanese society today remains insulated from the rest of the world, and know the Japanese term that describes it (sakoku).

I know how to shoot a 9 mm safely and accurately.

I am loyal to my friends and family. I will defend both passionately.

I don’t drink, smoke, or gamble.

I have never cheated on my wife in the 14 years we’ve been together.

I am a hard worker and good provider for my family. My son is spoiled, and so are all the animals that I have rescued over the past 14 years.

But…
I tear into my food like a barbarian.

I often forget to use a napkin.

If the socks aren’t on my feet there’s a good chance they are on the floor or in the dirty laundry.

I hate shaving and try to avoid it whenever possible.

When I’m around the house I belch and fart as loud as I can.

I swear like a motherf****** rapper when I become frustrated or angry.

I wear short sleeve shirts in winter and long sleeves in Summer.

I believe that grey tube socks go with everything except my suits (there are limits to everything).

I collect baseball cards and enjoy playing video games.

I have built an N scale layout. The layout is completely scenicked with mountains, tunnels, bridges, rivers, buildings and lights. I most recently upgraded this layout to DCC, which involved installing tiny chips in each locomotive, and machining some parts so that they would fit.

I like sleeping and staying up late.

I don’t pick up after myself although I try.

I often forget to cover the toaster after I’ve made my kid waffles. The toaster cover therefore ends up laying on the kitchen counter.

I often leave the sink full of dishes.

I often don’t change the litterboxes.

I like watching cartoons and anime.

See why the wife gets frustrated?

What does it mean to be a man today? Why must women control them?

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