Chainsaw Zen
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Archive for January 2006
Terrorist Sympathizers Be Warned
“It is regrettable that 18 local people lost their lives in the attack, but this fact also cannot be denied, that 10-12 foreign extremists had been invited on a dinner,” it said.
Dear Terrorist Sympathizers and Supporters:
Be warned that you will be held responsible for your dinner party guests. Should any of your guests be men who are responsible for attacks on Americans, you will suffer the consequences of your invitation.
Be advised also that you may also suffer the consequences of your neighbor’s decisions. Our laser-guided munitions are accurate; however your buildings may not be hardened to contain their explosions.
You can jump up and down in the streets until you are exhausted, but it will not lessen our resolve to bring our enemies to justice.
Sincerely,
An American
Update:
Confederate Yankee agrees:
It is a shame that women and children died in this attack, but the blame lies squarely on the fact that these families made the decision to invite terrorists into their homes. The villagers have no one to blame but themselves, and should perhaps consider inviting a better class of people to dinner.
Football
The older I get, the more I realize that I’m coming full circle.
I’m becoming a kid again. A very responsible, bald kid with mortgages, credit cards and a three page resume. And one of my joys of childhood was the sport of football.
Yeah, I’m a geek, ex-Goth, ex-expatriate – but before I was a geek I ran in the backyard, in the streets and across the neighbors front lawns playing football. Not tag or flag either: full blown, no-padding tackle football.
And I loved it. We played football in the rain, sleet and snow. We played football on frozen earth and slick concrete. We played football until we were catching passes with our faces in the dark.
It is a passion that has lurked beneath the surface, that only comes out when the days get shorter and Summer fades into Autumn.
Football season.
Now that I’m older, I don’t play it anymore – though I would if I could confidently do so without ending up in the ER. Now I have to enjoy the sport vicariously.
And nowhere was that enjoyment as vicarious as the Steelers-Colts game yesterday. I’ve always respected the Steelers franchise. After all they produced the legends of my childhood Terry Bradshaw and Mean Joe Green. So I’ve cheered for them more than other teams (Eagles excepted – I am and shall remain a die-hard Eagles fan no matter where I live). And yesterday’s game was a throwback to that earlier era. Without a doubt this was the best game I’ve seen since I was a kid.
Evidently I’m not alone in this sentiment: Peter Kingfrom Sports
Illustrated agrees.
The Steelers pile-drive Manning twice, on second and fourth downs, and the Steelers get the ball back … at the Indy 2! Insurance points to come! Here comes Mr. Insurance, Bettis, to score the icing touchdown. He slams into the line, but the ball is knocked loose by linebacker Gary Brackett (go, you mighty Rutgers alum!), and picked up by the knifed one, Nick Harper (whose wife stabbed him 24 hours earlier, causing three stitches to be taken near his knee). From emergency room to all-time hero, in the span of one day! There goes Harper, racing downfield! On the Pittsburgh radio-cast, Steeler color man Tunch Ilkin is shrieking some word that sounds like “Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!’’ And here is rumblin’, stumblin’ Ben Roethlisberger, backpedaling and running, trying to get in position to stop Harper, who jukes this way and that. And then, as Big Ben is falling backward at the Indy 42, he gets his right hand on Harper’s kneecap, just enough to make him fall!“The Immaculate Tackle! That’s how it’s going down in Steeler history,’’ my HBO boss, Brian Hyland, screams into the phone a few minutes later.
That game was a rollercoaster for any Colts or Steelers fan, but when it came right down to it, it was one helluvah game!
Terrorists Protest Attack on al-Zawahir
No surprise really.
Look at the people in this photograph carefully.
The only thing that would pacify this crowd would be a truckload of American visas.
Also, where are the women?
UPDATE:
Also, where are the women?
Once again the MSM has played the propagandist for Islamic extremists by censoring reality.
Here is the original, unedited version of the above photograph – a Razor Exclusive!
Feeling Better
But I’m still pissed off. That’s what a good night sleep does.
Meanwhile hundreds died in a Hajj stampede in Saudi Arabia. I can just imagine God telling Christ, “Yo’ Jeez, check this out. (cups hands over mouth) Visas! American Visas!”
I Hate God – Here’s Why
Why is pleasure always fleeting but pain is often chronic?
The Buddha said that the root of suffering was attachment to this world, and that it was necessary to become unattached to this world in order to rise above it.
The Buddha can blow me.
I think things are a lot simpler. I believe that God does exist, but He is a sick and twisted motherfucker. In essence God is Satan and the World we know is a plain of Hell. There is a kind and loving God, but He is powerless in the face of the Evil that permeates the Cosmos. Omniscient? Perhaps. Omnipotent? Hardly.
Suffering is the norm. Bad happenings are so commonplace it’s pointless to list them. Yes much suffering in the World is caused by humans, but much of it is not. There are people freezing to death in Kashmir today and will die before Humanity’s warmed the planet enough to save them.
What if I am right, and Satan is in control? What then? What chance do we have against Him? The same as an ant crawling around at the feet of a kid holding a magnifying class, that’s what.
A Little Death
The Kid’s favorite gerbil died tonight.
The Wife picked him out of the cage and was holding him when he leapt from her hands. He broke his back, and had to be euthanized at a vet emergency room.
A 3 week old gerbil. The Wife is wracked with guilt. I’m left to wonder Why?
Was it so much to ask? I mean, we have Taliban running around beheading teachers in front of their children. Zarqawi has followers turning themselves into explosives laden pinatas.
But the Kid’s albino gerbil just needs to leap to its death from the Wife’s hands.
I’m overreacting, but those of you who know me know what I’m saying when I say, Just what the fuck is wrong with this world? Is this really necessary?
Who needs Hell when you have Life on Earth? This is Hell.
The Wife once wondered if God had been defeated by the Devil, and that God isn’t all-powerful – Satan is.
2006 Starts Off Minty Fresh
The Sister-in-law got kicked out of a half-way house in Maryland. The head of the house said “She doesn’t give a fuck about anyone or anything but herself and drinking her Listerine.” Apparently she was threatening the other girls’ sobriety – which is a bit surprising to me since the Sister is jaundiced, has a bit of a pigeon-toed gate, stringy hair and speaks with erratic gestures and slurred words.
Yes, my sister-in-law’s “drug of choice” is alcohol in the form of mouthwash. Her liver is so shot now that it doesn’t take much to send her sailing and keep her there. A normal liver detoxes about an ounce of alcohol an hour: hers doesn’t work much, and so the stuff circulates in her bloodstream for days.
So of course, the Mother-in-law wrings her hands and waits for magic to happen – for someone to make a decision about what to do with this person. An AA member takes the Sister in – but her boyfriend doesn’t like that idea, so they’ve driven her up to the Mother-in-law’s house.
Sister convinced Mother to take her in: “I just want to apologize to you and (the Wife) and say my goodbyes.”
Hear the violins? Yeah, I do too. Too bad they don’t work on me. Mother-in-law is pissed at me because I refused to drive down to Maryland, pick up the Sister-in-law and drive her to another half-way house locally. Only later does she admit that you can’t just dump somebody off at a half-way house: she just wanted someone else to make a decision for her. I told Mother that all the sister had to do to get back in to her first half-way house was to admit that she was using.
After all, the counselor showed her the results of a positive BAC test done that very morning – and it read .4 (that’s coma time for non-drunks – normal for Sister-in-law). Sister-in-law denied she’s been drinking.
Mother-in-law is sick with codependency; a year and a half in church basements at AlAnon meetings have not gotten through to her at all.
It’s okay, I tell myself. There is plenty of room on my workbench behind the Buddha statue.
That’s where her husband’s ashes are for the moment. The Sister-in-law’s will go there too.
